Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, and so I’ve been thinking about love. The several years into marriage kind of love. The kind of love where you’ve gone through some crazy shit and have hurt each other but still all you want to do is be together and talk and eat popcorn and watch episodes of Prime Suspect and write caustic letters to NBC for canceling yet ANOTHER amazing show. What the heck, NBC? Perfect Couples and now this?? Maria Bello, if you are reading this please know that you were a GENIUS in that role and NBC was insane to cancel your show. Anyway, I’ve been thinking about love, that’s my point.
So last week John and I had a BIG fight. I mean a big, nasty, ugly fight. I may or may not have poured 4 Newcastles down the drain out of spite. That’s how ugly this was, guys. And while I was busy pouring John’s rare treat of beer down the sink he was folding my clothes. And washing dishes. The whole time, he just kept washing dishes for me. [Oh, by the way– big, nasty, ugly fights like this are pretty rare for us… We have small disagreements and issues all the time but at this point we have some good ways of handling those without a full blown thing. But once in a while…]
Why am I telling you guys this? Partly because I want you to know that John amazing. And partly because I think it’s important to be honest that marriage can be really crazy and hard sometimes. (And even when it’s beautiful and wonderful, there is still a gaping hole in your heart and soul, and that doesn’t feel romantic, it feels like pain.)
And also that the kind of love that lasts is going to involve some work. Folding someone’s clothes, day after day. Even… especially… when you are fighting. Washing dishes and cutting hair in the kitchen and cleaning the stove. Saying you’re sorry when really you know that the other person is really the one who needs to apologize (which feels like always, hence the problem…). Because real love is getting your hands dirty, kneeling down in the dust.
“This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us…” 1 John 4:10.
“This mystery [marriage] is profound, but I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church” Ephesians 5:32